The Olympics

Me: So, you’re going to host the Olympics, right?

Japan: Yep. Tokyo 2020. I can’t wait.

Me: The summer Olympics? In Tokyo?

Japan: Yeah, right. In August.

Me: Wow. That’ll be uncomfortable. Isn’t it disgustingly hot in summer in Tokyo?

Japan: Well, sure, it’s a bit sweaty.

Me: It’ll be 35 degrees and 90% humidity. How did your Olympic committee convince the IOC?

Japan: They told them that as Tokyo has “many days of mild and sunny weather, this period provides an ideal climate for athletes to perform at their best.”

Me: Well, they’re in the running for a gold medal in Long-Distance Bullshitting. Won’t this be a problem?

Japan: Well, maybe, but it’ll be good for the economy.

Me: I heard there’s been a problem with the stadium.

Japan: Several. The design, the cost, the design again and then the cost again.

Me: Didn’t you have a stadium already?

Japan: Yeah, but it was old. It was from the 1968 Olympics.

Me: So, would it have been cheaper and easier and more meaningful to just refurbish the old one?

Japan: Yeah but new is better and it’ll be good for the economy.

Me: Which month was the 1968 Olympics held in by the way?

Japan: October.

Me: Why?

Japan: Because the weather in summer is too…Look it’ll be good for the economy.

Me: How is your economy?

Japan: Erm…

Me: Couldn’t you just give everyone some cash instead of spending it on the Olympics? Or pay off some of your debt? Wouldn’t that be good, you know, economically speaking?

Japan: Well…

Me: And how’s the rebuilding of Tohoku going since the earthquake and tsunami in 2011?

Japan: Erm…

Me: And the Fukushima nuclear power plant?

Japan: Ah…

Me: Could those areas of the country use some of money that the government will spend on the Olympics?

Japan: Look. Stop being so cynical. The Olympics will be a success, it’ll make me famous and –

Me: You’re already famous. You’ve got sushi, Mount Fuji, Godzilla –

Japan: And now the Olympics. It’ll be good for the economy.

Me: How?

Japan: What?

Me: How will it be good for the economy?

Japan: I’ve got no idea. People just keep saying that it’ll be good for the economy so i just assumed that it was good for the economy. It’ll be good for the economy. Just keep repeating the word ‘economy’ and people nod their heads and understand. The economy. It’ll be good. Lots of people will visit and spend money.

Me: How long does the Olympics last?

Japan: Two weeks.

Me: And how many people will visit?

Japan: Dunno. Maybe a few hundred thousand.

Me: How many people visit you each year anyway?

Japan: About 14 million.

Me: How large is your economy?

Japan: About 4.2 trillion dollars per year.

Me: …

Japan: Wait, but…so it may not even make rational, mathematic or economic sense to continually state that the Olympics will be good for the economy.

Me: Well, it’ll contribute a little i guess.

Japan: Like pissing in a lake?

Me: Or a brand new Olympic swimming pool.

Japan: But only for two weeks.

Me: Hey, at least you’ll have some shiny new stadiums and sports facilities. I’m sure you’ve got some grand, long-term, joined-up, sensible, society-benefiting plans to use the stadiums and venues once the 14 day sports festival has ended.

Japan: …

Me: …?

Japan: Is it too late to give it to Istanbul?


December 17, 2015. Tags: , , , , . Uncategorized.

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