Blood types

Japan: So, what’s your blood type?

Me: Why is there an emergency?

Japan: No, I mean –

Me: Is there a shortage of blood donors?

Japan: No, it’s just –

Me: Do you need some bone marrow or something?

Japan: No, I’m just interested in what your blood type is.

Me: Oh. Really? Why?

Japan: Because then it will reveal something about your personality and character.

Me: What? Where did you get this from?

Japan: Takeji Furukawa.

Me: Who?

Japan: In 1927 he was a professor and he published a paper linking temperament and blood types and then later he did another study about the nature of racial traits by researching the Ainu in Hokkaido and Taiwanese people.

Me: Interesting choices. Why them?

Japan: Ah, well, don’t ask. Anyway, in 2008 at the Beijing Olympics the Japan women’s softball team won the gold medal and their training regimes were based specifically on their blood types.

Me: Hang on, so, if it isn’t a placebo effect and it really works why don’t they do this with everything? Wouldn’t it increase your chances of being amazing all the time?

Japan: Er, yeah, but, matchmakers use them too, you know.

Me: Matchmakers?

Japan: Oh yes. I mean, type A people are most compatible with A and AB. B is most compatible with B and AB. O is most compatible with A and AB but AB is compatible with all of them.

Me: But this doesn’t really make any sense does it?

Japan: It does because your blood type affects the type of person you are.

Me: How?

Japan: Because it’s in your blood isn’t it?

Me: Well, no. No it isn’t. It’s blood. Blood does lots of things. I mean, it carries Oxygen around the body, it fights illnesses and clots if you cut yourself so you don’t die. Red cells, white cells and platelets are in your blood. Your personality isn’t in there is it?

Japan: I see.

Me: Really? Great.

Japan: You’re Type B.

Me: What?

Japan: Yeah, Type Bs are practical and you’ve just described all the practicalities of blood without any of the romance or the fun. Type B. I knew it.

Me: Wait a second. Think about it. What century is it? We don’t still believe in witches and power of crystals, do we? I pretty sure we stopped doing rain dances too, right?

Japan: OK. I’ve got it.

Me: Yeah?

Japan: Yep. You’re being purposefully calm and trying to avoid confrontation by being passive aggressive. Classic Type A.

Me: Oh come on, you can’t be serious with this shit? I’ve had enough. I give up.

Japan: Aha! Type O! Yes, you always give up easily and never carry anything through to the end. I knew it.

Me: Really? You seriously believe that our personalities are some kind of ever present core that is hidden away in the deepest corners of our beings instead of a collection of ideas that the outside world has inscribed on to us?

Japan: But –

Me: What about our families and parents? Our friends and enemies. Hopes and nightmares. Jobs and hobbies. Languages and cultures. Laws and ideologies. Education and experiences. All of this mass of humanity and interest and amazement.

Japan: Well –

Me: Are you really telling me that all of this means completely nothing when compared to where I fit on the ABO blood group chart which was only discovered in 1900 and made mainstream in your culture because some guy didn’t like the Ainu and Taiwanese people? Really?

Japan: …

Me: …?

Japan: Yep. You must be AB. That’s the worse one. Such difficult people.


June 10, 2015. Uncategorized.

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