Yakult Ladies

Me: I saw and old woman on a scooter the other day.

Japan: My old people rock.

Me: No, I mean it was weird. It was a scooter carrying Yakult. A Yakult scooter.

Japan: Yeah, right, I know about them.

Me: And it was driven by an old woman in a Yakult uniform.

Japan: Yeah, a Yakult Lady.

Me: A what?

Japan: A Yakult Lady. The ladies that sell Yakult. The Yakult Ladies.

Me: Old ladies sell Yakult? On scooters?

Japan: Who else is going to do it?

Me: Shops?

Japan: Well, sure, you can buy Yakult and various other yogurty things in shops but then you’re not buying it from a Yakult Lady are you?

Me: No, but then, why would I need to?

Japan: Because if you work in an office you don’t have time to be buying Yakult do you?

Me: Don’t I?

Japan: No, so the friendly Yakult people employ old ladies to scoot about and come to your place of work to hawk the stuff directly to you.

Me: Is your collective digestive system that knackered you need macrobiotic yogurt delivered directly to your desk?

Japan: Not that I’m aware of.

Me: So what about all the convenience stores and 24 hour supermarkets? Do they sell Yakult?

Japan: Yeah, if you’re unlucky enough to not get it delivered to you by the Yakult Ladies.

Me: And all those vending machines that you’ve got. Why don’t they just put the Yakult in those?

Japan: Well, don’t need to. Got the Yakult Ladies.

Me: But if you had Yakult vending machines you wouldn’t need a fleet of scooters and old women to drive around towns delivering the stuff.

Japan: Yeah, but Yakult doesn’t make vending machines.

Me: I know.

Japan: So, we’ve got the Yakult Ladies.

Me: But why Yakult Ladies? Why not some other combination of supermarket goods that are not currently available in vending machines and a section of society with too much time on their hands delivering the stuff.

Japan: Like what?

Me: Erm, I don’t know. Grapefruit Old Men.

Japan: Who?

Me: Vodka Children.

Japan: Erm…

Me: Fish Joggers. Mayonnaise Poets.

Japan: Are these bands from the 1980s?

Me: Possibly.

Japan: So, because Yakult Ladies exist you want all this other mad delivery services?

Me: No, no, no. It’s just that if Yakult Ladies exist why not all this other mad stuff?

Japan: Because you can buy grapefruit and vodka and fish and mayonnaise in supermarkets and convenience stores.

Me: And Yakult.

Japan: Yeah, but you don’t need to. We’ve got the Yakult Ladies.

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March 1, 2015. Uncategorized.

2 Comments

  1. Livia replied:

    This was simply brilliant,I laughed so hard lol (all your entries are brilliant though). Thank you for bringing a smile to a poor gaijin living in Japan!

  2. deirdre replied:

    This post is hillarious and makes me want to return to Japan….takes me back 25 years to my first home in Kami-KItazawa, the Gyoza store on the corner, the 7 eleven, the public baths, wooden sandals, and whiskey in vending machines…never saw an old lady on a Yakut scooter, perhaps the same ladies only younger then 🙂

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