Japan: Have you ever been to Tokyo Disneyland?

Me: No, never.

Japan: Never? Really?

Me: Yeah, never. Where is it?

Japan: It’s in Chiba.

Me: Chiba? Chiba Prefecture?

Japan: Yeah.

Me: So, Tokyo Disneyland isn’t in Tokyo?

Japan: Well, I couldn’t call it Chiba Disneyland could i? That wouldn’t be much of a global brand would it? Anyway, why have you never been to Tokyo Disneyland?

Me: I’m not much of a Disney fan to be honest.

Japan: But, it’s so popular.

Me: What? Tokyo Disneyland or just Disney in general?

Japan: Both.

Me: Hmm. In England there is no Disneyland.

Japan: Huh? How? What? No Disneyland? That must be terrible for English people.

Me: Not really. Nobody I know really cares for it anyway. There’s one in Paris I think but nobody goes.

Japan: Why not?

Me: Because they’re in Paris. There’s so much better stuff to see and do. Things that are way more culturally interesting and stimulating. Which begs the question, why is your Disneyland so massively popular?

Japan: It’s cute.

Me: It’s the third most visited theme park on Earth. It had 14 million visitors in 2011. The reason for this cannot be “it’s cute”.

Japan: Never underestimate the power of cute and the sway it holds over my population. I’m addicted to cute. And it’s not just cute. They have rides as well. It’s all so exciting.

Me: Do you have a wait long to get on these exciting rides?

Japan: About three hours maybe.

Me: Three hours?

Japan: Yeah, it’s not too bad is it?

Me: People can fly to other countries in that time. Or run a marathon. Or watch a movie.

Japan: A Disney movie!

Me: Yes, no, what? How much is it anyway?

Japan: For one day?

Me: Yeah.

Japan: 6,200 yen.

Me: How much?

Japan: Or you could pay 80,000 yen for a year.

Me: A year?

Japan: Yeah, the yearly pass. Then you can go any time you want.

Me: But why would you do that?

Japan: It’s Disney. You can enter a magical world. A fantasy land. Unreality space. You can escape from everything.

Me: Like what?

Japan: Real life.

Me: But, I like real life.

Japan: What?

Me: Well, you know, music and movies and books and games and sports and food and drink and people and places and travel and friends and relationships. I like real life. It’s good.

Japan: Relationships?

Me: What?

Japan: You’re in a relationship and you’ve never been Disneyland together?

Me: Yeah, no, but –

Japan: You soulless, heartless, boring, practically minded, pragmatic, selfish arsehole.

Me: So, what do you want me to do? Go and spend far too much money, wait for hours to get on a cute roller coaster in a fake plasticised version of a movie I’ve never seen and then eat something in the shape of a cartoon character whilst watching children cry and teenage girls say the word “cute” on repeat mode until my ears bleed?

Japan: Yes. Or you could go to Tokyo Disney Sea.

Me: …?

Japan: …!

Me: Can I run a marathon instead?


August 14, 2014. Tags: , , , , . Uncategorized.

One Comment

  1. danielwilcock replied:

    Brilliant as always

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