Me: Are you OK?

Japan: Me? Yeah, why?

Me: Well, you’re wearing a facemask.

Japan: Oh, that, right. Sure, loads of people wear them don’t they?

Me: Do they?

Japan: Yeah.

Me: Why? Is there an apocalypse happening that I’m not aware of?

Japan: No, no. I’m just being nice.

Me: Nice?

Japan: Well, if you’ve got a cold or something you can wear a facemask and it’ll stop you sneezing and breathing germs all over other people. I’m just being considerate. I’m being nice.

Me: Couldn’t you just occasionally blow your nose and carry some tissues?

Japan: No, no. You can just sit around sniffing behind a facemask all day keeping your snot in your nasal cavities.

Me: Can I?

Japan: Yes. Also, if you’ve got an allergy it’ll stop the pollen.

Me: Stop the pollen?

Japan: Uh-huh.

Me: So, all these people are wearing facemasks to protect each other from their own germs and pollen?

Japan: Yeah. And pollution.

Me: OK. And pollution.

Japan: And the cold.

Me: The cold?

Japan: Yeah, it’s a handy disposable muffler in winter.

Me: Is it?

Japan: Oh yeah, and they also protect you from your own face.

Me: I’m sorry?

Japan: The facemasks. They can protect you from your own face.

Me: I thought that’s what you said.

Japan: Well, you know, when you’re having one of those days and you just can’t face the world.

Me: Literally?

Japan: But you need to go to work or do some shopping or leave the house, you can just pop a facemask on and off you go.

Me: So it’s also useful for hiding your identity.

Japan: Right.

Me: If you wanted to, say, commit a crime.

Japan: But –

Me: And hide your face.

Japan: Well –

Me: Especially if you’re committing the crime whilst suffering from hay fever and having a “bad face day”.

Japan: Er…yeah…or if you’re performing music on youtube.

Me: But –

Japan: So you can play your music but hide your face.

Me: Well –

Japan: Especially if you’re performing the music whilst suffering from flu in winter.

Me: Er…right…So, your population must be very healthy. It must be very difficult to have any outbreaks of colds or suffer any flu epidemics.

Japan: Erm…

Me: And thanks to the humble facemask you can stop all the pollen. Say goodbye to allergies. People don’t suffer from those anymore do they?

Japan: Ah…

Me: And I guess nobody ever feels self-conscious or insecure.

Japan: Oh…well…

Me: Marvelous. I must get some of these. I’m surprised the rest of the world isn’t constantly wearing them too.

Japan: Yeah, actually, you know what? I’ve just realised…

Me: Uh-huh.

Japan: I’m not 100% sure if they actually work or not.

Me: What?

Japan: I mean, I’m assuming they do because so many people wear the things and I think quite bit has been spent on scientific research and marketing but…

Me: Maybe more on the marketing and less on the research.

Japan: …

Me: Well, at least there’s a cheap and easy socially acceptable way to hide your face if you feel like shit.

Japan: Or if you’re playing the banjo on youtube.

Me: Or just trying to be nice.

Japan: Exactly. It’s nice to be nice.


June 4, 2014. Tags: , , , , , , , . Uncategorized.

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