Me: Can we do a quiz about noise?

Japan: Noise? Yeah sure. Can i be the quiz master?

Me: You?

Japan: Yeah. You’re always asking the questions. I want a go.

Me: Erm, okay.

Japan: Right. First question. Is it acceptable for children to make a noise?

Me: Well, yes. They’re kids.

Japan: No, that’s incorrect. Children should be quiet especially when in groups and when outside.

Me: But children make noise. Making noise is what they do. It’s one of the few things children can do to high level of competency.

Japan: Next question. If you went to a convenience store or electronic goods shop would it be ok for the people who work there to continuously shout unnecessary greetings and play overly loud cutsie jingles for no discernible reason whatsoever?

Me: No, that would not be ok. That would be really annoying.

Japan: No, that’s also incorrect. It’s no problem at all.

Me: But if that happened all the time then i’d probably avoid those places.

Japan: Next question! Is it socially acceptable for politically far-right, narrow-minded fucktavists to drive around a city centre on a nice Sunday afternoon in an old bus playing nationalist songs and speeches at ear bleeding xenophobic levels of idiocy?

Me: Well, no. Never. It’s 2013. How could that possibly be okay?

Japan: Wrong again. That’s fine apparently.

Me: But –

Japan: Next question! Would it be okay or not okay to play a musical instrument in your own flat?

Me: Well, of course that would be okay.

Japan: No, no, no. You’re not doing very well are you? Musical instruments make lots of unnecessary noise that frustrates people, especially in my thin walled apartment blocks. If you like to play music you have to go to a park or stand under a bridge or pay to use a music practice room similar to the karaoke places.

Me: Hang on –

Japan: Next question! Would it be ok to own a dog?

Me: Well, yes.

Japan: Correct.

Me: Ooh, I got one right.

Japan: And would it be ok for that dog to bark?

Me: Well, yeah, I guess. Dogs bark, don’t they. It’s natural.

Japan: No sorry, wrong again. People should train their dogs not to bark and if they can’t do that they should keep the canine inside at all times.

Me: Inside at all times? What –

Japan: Next question! Is it acceptable for politicians to stand outside train station exits blaring dull political slogans into the peaceful mornings or do the same thing with a car and megaphone in the long lazy afternoons?

Me: Definitely not. That would be –

Japan: No, that one’s ok as well i’m afraid.

Me: Even with the current state of the political system?

Japan: Yeah, I know. Even though i’m one of the growing number of countries to have a democracy that has evolved/retarded to the point where it doesn’t matter who the electorate vote for everybody loses, this still remains a fine and dandy form of electioneering and self aggrandisement.

Me: So, dogs barking and kids playing and musical instruments harmonising are all bad.

Japan: That’s right.

Me: But excessive nationalistic and political sloganeering outside a shop that blasts out jingles is ok.

Japan: Yep.

Me: So is it socially acceptable to use a mobile phone?

Japan: Of course. I love mobile phones. I consume them by the million.

Me: So you can talk anywhere you want on a mobile phone?

Japan: Talk!? On a mobile phone? In public? What? What kind of rude and inconsiderate population do you think I have?

Me: I’m confused. What if –

Japan: You’re always confused.

Me: I’m not sure that’s entirely my fault.

Japan: …

Me: …?

Japan: You’ve failed the quiz by the way. You’re not very good at answering the questions are you?

Me: Can i do the questions next time?

Japan: Only if you do it quietly.


July 23, 2013. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , . Uncategorized.

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