Japan: I’m hungry.

Me: Again?

Japan: Well, i’m always a bit hungry.

Me: That’s true. You seem fixated with food. And it’s all over your TV. There’s always a TV show about food. Always.

Japan: Every country has food on TV.

Me: Sure, but other country’s TV food programmes are really just moving recipe books. Your TV shows don’t educate the viewer on how to cook stuff. You prefer to just show people eating.

Japan: I do love eating.

Me: By the way, the same thing always happens on these food TV programmes as well. A few presenters or comedians go into a restaurant. There are some close up shots of the food. They eat it. They all vigorously agree that the food is “delicious”. The end.

Japan: Sound like great TV to me.

Me: And your people don’t seem to use any other word to describe food. All food is “delicious”. That’s it.

Japan: It’s food. Of course it’s delicious. Anyway, my food is famous. Everybody’s heard of sushi.

Me: Sushi is delicious.

Japan: What i don’t understand is why i was the first to think, “You know what, that looks so good, i’m just going eat it now. Fuck cooking stuff. I’m hungry.”

Me: Yeah, but you also eat raw horse meat.

Japan: Delicious!

Me: And raw egg.

Japan: Delicious!

Me: And raw whale.

Japan: Delicious!

Me: And raw ostrich.

Japan: Delicious!

Me: And poisonous puffer fish, fugu, that actually kills a few people every year. That’s how much you like food. You’re willing to risk death for it.

Japan: Delicious!

Me: I’m surprised you haven’t combined potentially poisonous blow fish with a completely different random food.

Japan: I do enjoy random food combinations.

Me: Strawberry sandwiches.

Japan: Canned bread.

Me: Pumpkin flavoured chocolate.

Japan: Chocolate flavoured beer.

Me: Beer flavoured jelly.

Japan: Octopus flavoured jelly.

Me: Octopus flavoured snacks.

Japan: Octopus flavoured ice cream.

Me: Green tea ice cream.

Japan: Green tea flavoured noodles.

Me: Noodles. Wow, do you love noodles. People queue up for an hour outside noodle restaurants just for a bowl of ramen.

Japan: Ramen! Ramen! Delicious ramen!

Me: And drinks. Hot and cold everything, depending on the season. It’s amazing. I’m a little worried that you’ll soon discover a way of having hot coca-cola. With ice.

Japan: That’s a great idea. Let’s do it. It’ll taste great.

Me: That’s your motto when it comes to food, isn’t it. “Let’s do it. It’ll taste great.” And even if it isn’t, we’ll just tell everybody it’s delicious anyway.

Japan: Exactly. It’s food. How can’t you like it? It’s in the DNA. It’s what we do. It’s one the three pillars of life.

Me: Eat. Shit. Fuck.

Japan: Er, yeah, not very eloquent of you but thanks for being so succinct.

Me: Why?

Japan: I told you. I’m hungry. And you’ve concluded the conversation nice and quickly so now i can go back to eating. I think i might have some fermented soybeans.

Me: …?

Japan: Delicious!


February 26, 2013. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , . Uncategorized.

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