Vending machines

Me: Can we do a quiz about vending machines?

Japan: Yeah, sure.

Me: OK. Great. How many vending machines do you currently have?

Japan: One.

Me: …?

Japan: Per twenty three people.

Me: Correct. And what do most of these vending machines sell?

Japan: Drinks.

Me: Correct. And are your people constantly thirsty?

Japan: No.

Me: Correct. So, are they at all necessary?

Japan: Not often, no.

Me: Correct. What would happen if you had no vending machines?

Japan: Erm…well…er…

Me: Correct. Why do you have vending machines selling drinks and cigarettes outside convenience stores that sell drinks and cigarettes?

Japan: Erm…well…er…

Me: Correct. Is it –

Japan: Hang on. Not all convenience stores are open 24 hours and some people might have a craving for a can of sugar and some nicotine at 3am.

Me: That’s a bit tenuous and very rare but, OK, i’ll give you a bonus point.

Japan: Yay!

Me: Is it true that there’s a drinks vending machine at the summit of Mount Fuji.

Japan: Yes.

Me: Correct. Why?

Japan: Erm…well…er…

Me: Correct. Is having all these vending machines running 24 hours a day all over the place a sensible use of a limited, useful and expensive resource such as electricity?

Japan: No.

Me: Correct. What’s the strangest thing you sell from a vending machine?

Japan: Instant noodles.

Me: No.

Japan: Beer.

Me: Nope.

Japan: Batteries.

Me: I’m afraid not.

Japan: Ties.

Me: Are you guessing?

Japan: Eggs.

Me: You’re guessing.

Japan: Canned bread.

Me: What?

Japan: Ice.

Me: No, come on now –

Japan: Vegetables.

Me: You can’t –

Japan: Porn.

Me: This is getting silly.

Japan: Used women’s underwear.

Me: If that’s even true then i’m taking back your bonus point.

Japan: What? You can’t do that.

Me: Why not? I’m the quiz master.

Japan: Well, why are you even quizzing me about my vending machines anyway? What the hell do you know about the world of vending?

Me: Erm…well…er…

Japan: Correct. Why doesn’t your country have countless vending machines conveniently dispensing questionable goods to a population partially fixated with buying shit they don’t need?

Me: Erm, they’d probably all get robbed or vandalised or end up in the living room of a student flat?

Japan: Correct. And that’s the end of the quiz.

Me: Eh?

Japan: Yes, and i’m afraid to say you didn’t win.

Me: It was my quiz.

Japan: Exactly. How shit are you? You can’t even win your own quiz.

Me: But –

Japan: Let’s have a look at what you could’ve won.

Me: What is it?

Japan: It’s a rhinoceros beetle.

Me: A rhinoceros beetle? Where did you get one of those from at this time of day?

Japan: Where do you think?

Me: …?

Japan: …!

Me: No way.

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November 14, 2012. Tags: , , , , , . Uncategorized.

2 Comments

  1. danielwilcock replied:

    Love it!

  2. lostinmist replied:

    Reblogged this on Verses of my Destruction and commented:
    Although the new post is good, this old one is my perennial favorite on Conversations with Japan, mainly because apparently beer and used panties and rhinocerous beetles can be bought from vending machines in Japan.

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