Me: Shall we talk about earthquakes then?

Japan: Do we have to?

Me: Yes.

Japan: But why? They’re not normally a big deal.

Me: Not a big deal? It’s not a big deal to have the earth wobbling around beneath your feet?

Japan: No it isn’t. It’s an everyday occurrence.

Me: For you it is. For the rest of the world it’s mainly a once in a lifetime kind of thing.

Japan: So, some countries don’t have earthquakes? Ever?

Me: Right.

Japan: Not even little ones like a magnitude 3?

Me: In England, if there’s a magnitude 3 it’s headline news.

Japan: What a wonderfully safe country.

Me: Safe?

Japan: Yeah.

Me: Have you ever had a “knife amnesty”?

Japan: A what?

Me: Have you ever had an epidemic of “happy slapping”?

Japan: Who?

Me: Doesn’t matter. Anyway, an earthquake is an earthquake. It’s the ground moving.

Japan: Look, an earthquake for me is like rain for you. It’s all about scale and frequency. You start off with mist, then drizzle, a light shower, scattered showers, then a steady downpour, cats and dogs, monsoon, flash flood, Noah.

Me: So, Noah is a one-off, drizzle is every other week but they’re all rain?

Japan: Right. And that’s how it is for me and earthquakes.

Me: But in England nobody ever says that we’re overdue for a flood of Biblical proportions because we haven’t had one for ages. You have some scaremongering, fear peddling “scientists” crawl out of their office and tell everybody on breakfast TV that Tokyo is “due for a big one” pretty much every month.

Japan: It is. Along with everywhere else seismologists study. Yosemite? Due for a big one. San Andreas? Due for a big one. Istanbul? Due for a big one.

Me: So we’re all screwed?

Japan: Well, if it’s not the ground shaking around it’ll be the tsunami or the volcano or the typhoon or landslide that’ll take you out.

Me: Erm, yeah, my country doesn’t have those either.

Japan: Wow. So safe.

Me: Well…

Japan: What?

Me: Do the words “carjacking” or “joy-riding” mean anything to you?

Japan: Erm…

Me: Have your citizens ever used their footwear as weapons?

Japan: Wh..?

Me: Do your teenagers kill each other?

Japan: Only in movies. It would appear that your people are more dangerous than your nature.

Me: Yeah. And it would appear that your nature is more dangerous than your people.

Japan: Yeah. Shall we talk about crime then?

Me: Do we have to?


October 13, 2012. Tags: , , , . Uncategorized.

One Comment

  1. Daniel Richards replied:

    Love it! Nicely summed up mate, hit the nail on the head.

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