Me: You really like new things don’t you?

Japan: I love new things. All new things are great.

Me: All new things?

Japan: Yeah, pretty much anything new is good.

Me: I was in a supermarket a while ago and they opened a new part of the supermarket that sold doughnuts.

Japan: New doughnuts! Sounds great. Did you buy some?

Me: No.

Japan: Why not? It was a new shop.

Me: But there was a massive queue. People were buying doughnuts like they’d never seen them before. It was like watching that documentary about people eating bananas for the first time. It was madness. I couldn’t be bothered. There was a bakery over the road that sold doughnuts. I went there instead.

Japan: What!? Why would you do that?

Me: There wasn’t a queue at the nice old bakery. And that bakery only became the old bakery when the supermarket opened a newer one.

Japan: But the doughnuts at the old place weren’t new. New! You need the new stuff. New!

Me: What’s so good about new stuff?

Japan: New stuff is great because it’s not old.

Me: So, old is bad?

Japan: Yeah.

Me: Why?

Japan: Because it’s not new.

Me: Why is new better?

Japan: Because it’s not old.

Me: But how do you know that the new stuff is better than the old stuff.

Japan: Because old stuff is worse that new stuff.

Me: Why is the old stuff worse?

Japan: Because it’s not new.

Me: But how do you know…forget it. You’re obsessed with buying, building, creating, eating, consuming and breathing something, anything, everything new.

Japan: You say it like there’s something wrong with it.

Me: Well, it’s a bit wasteful, isn’t it?

Japan: Yeah but waste is old. You’ve got to get rid of it. New is the future. And they make new stuff all the time so you’ve got to replace your old stuff.

Me: Why?

Japan: Because the new stuff will be better.

Me: How do you know?

Japan: Because new is better than old. I’ve told you this already. Are you not listening?

Me: Yes but i don’t-

Japan: I’m getting bored. This conversation’s getting old already.

Me: But-

Japan: In fact all these conversations on this blog are getting old. It’s been going for six months now. Can’t you think of something new?

Me: Well, erm…

Japan: …

Me: …

Japan: …

Me: Would you like a doughnut?

Japan: Are they from the new place?

Me: Er, yes?

Japan: OK.


July 4, 2012. Tags: , , , . Uncategorized.

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