Japan: Did you know that i’ve got four seasons?

Me: What?

Japan: Four seasons. I’ve got them. All of them.

Me: Yeah…?

Japan: Well, it’s amazing. Spring, summer, autumn and winter.

Me: OK. Don’t lots of countries have four seasons?

Japan: No, no, no. Lots countries don’t have four seasons. I’m practically unique in my quad-seasonalness.

Me: Really? Are you sure about that?

Japan: Yes. Take your country for example.

Me: England?

Japan: Right. Does England have four seasons?

Me: Yes. Yes it does.

Japan: No it doesn’t. I thought it was always raining. Well, what about Canada? And Norway? And Russia?

Me: What about them?

Japan: They don’t have four seasons do they? It’s always cold. And Africa is always hot. Same as India and Australia. That’s how it works. I have four seasons. Nobody else does.

Me: What are talking about? Do you think that you’re the only place on the face of the earth that has four seasons? Really? Did you study science as a kid? You know, the earth’s axis being at an angle and the sun’s rays and everything?

Japan: …..?

Me: The northern hemisphere tilts towards the sun in summer and away from it winter, right? That means that unless you live with either polar bears and penguins or in an equatorial rainforest you’ll get seasonal variations. No? This is news? Honest?

Japan: But, what about my cherry blossom and my snow and my red leaves and my sweaty summer. Who else has that combination?

Me: Billions of people. It’s just you’re the only one who goes crazy for it as if every change in the season is an unexpected surprise and you feel obliged to mark the shift in weather as if it’s a memorable occasion worthy of flying a flag and getting all proud. They’re seasons. We’ve all got them. It’s a global thing.

Japan: But mine are nicer.

Me: No they’re not. You just adore them. You go crazy for the flowers and blossom in spring as if it’s the first time you’ve seen pink leaves. And you jump in the sea and swimming pools in summer as if water has just been invented. Autumn is just like spring but the leaves are a different colour. Your determination to get to a mountain, spend loads of money on designer snowboarding outfits and spend a day falling over on the snow in winter is tenacious. You love your seasons. You live for your seasons. You celebrate your seasons. That’s different. But having four of them isn’t that unique.

Japan: But that doesn’t sound as good does it. “I’ve got four seasons” makes me sound special. “I celebrate my seasons” makes me sound a bit crazy.

Me: Well…you are a little bit crazy, aren’t you?

Japan: Smart arse. I’ve got four seasons. If you don’t like it go back to rainy damp England with its mono-seasonal second-rate weather patterns. Envy my seasonalness. Covet my changing temperatures!

Me: Did you not hear what i just said about the earth’s axis and the-

Japan: Blah, blah, blah, give it a rest science boy. I’ve got four seasons. Stop sneering and join in the celebrations.

Me: But…yeah…okay.


January 30, 2012. Uncategorized.

One Comment

  1. Joanne Greenway replied:

    Love it but have to argue – autumn is so much more than spring with different colours! It’s the best one, honest.

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